The Challenge
by Draco's Addiction
Summary: CRACK This is a challenge given to me by a friend. The terms are included. I hope you all enjoy it. HD. HGSS.
1. The Terms

The Terms!

Must Include:

--A Draco/Harry pairing

--Someone spouting lines of poetry to Draco (preferably a lesser used character)

--A perosn in a tub of whipped cream (who is up to you)

--Corny pick-up lines (best if said by Snape or to Snape, but ultimately up to you)

--Some's hair turning bright neon pink

--Someone quoting u Hogwarts: A History /u to Hermione (Fred or George would be nice, just to imagine the look on her face)

--Someone walking in on Snape and Hermione in a rather strange position

--A feather boa

--Someone being call Gilligan (being hit over the head with a hat gets bonus points)

Must Include These Lines:

--"Step on her, see how she feels."

--"Oh, he's in the back spanking a chicken."

--"Injured in the line of duty, my ass."

--"You grabbed his/her what!"

--"I'm here to drown my sorrows, and you?"

--"I'm not going to bite you...that is, unless you want me to."

--Leave him alone, he's my husband." "What?" "You mess with him, you mess with me...do you want to mess with me?" (Totally optional, but extra cookies if you put it in)

--"Will you spank me?"

Extra Points If You Can Get These In There Somewhere:

--"What possessed you to stretch them that big?"

--"You want to pierce what?"

Thanks to StarChild for giving me this challenge. It was fun! And I hope to be putting yours up here soon.


	2. The Challenge Story

A figure limped through the portrait hole. The two occupants of the room snapped their eyes to him, having been distracted from their conversation.

Draco stumbled through and plopped down on one of the chairs by the fireplace.

"Where's Harry?" he managed to breathe out, his eyes screwed shut and looking like he was in pain.

Harry came down the stairs at that moment and seeing Draco, he quickened his pace and kneeled in front of the chair.

"Draco, what happened?"

He took in Draco's appearance. He had a black eye, he was cradling his left arm and his hair had turned the most interesting shade of neon pink. And that's just what was visible! He was slumping in the chair, which he never did. Draco always sat straight and tall no matter where he was. Well, on occasion he would lounge or lean, but he NEVER slumped. That could only mean one thing...

Draco was in pain.

"Raids," Draco ground out between his teeth. "We were attacked mid-search. Three of them went straight for me."

Since Draco had switched sides, all the ex-Death Eaters had made it their personal business to make Draco's life a living hell.

"Oh my God," Hermione gasped. She stood up from the couch and went over to the other side of Draco's seat. "Are you alright? How do you feel?"

Draco snapped his head up in irritation, "How do I feel!

Are you daft! How do you think I feel!" Hermione leaned back to avoid the wrath, face falling into a sad frown.

"Draco, she didn't..." Harry tried to calm him but was interrupted.

"No, she wants to know how I _feel_! Why don't you and the Weasel go step on her, see how she feels then!" he was yelling now, which didn't agree with him because he then immediately started to cough. Tears sprang to his eyes as he strained to breathe. Harry rubbed small circles on Draco's back, eyes on her Hermione as he tried to apologize silently for his lover's behavior. Hermione looked hurt but, but then sighed and gave a weak smile to Harry. She knew Draco's temperment and was used to it by now.

"Come on, Draco." Harry helped him up and headed for the stairs. One last look at his friends showed him Ron's scowl and Hermione rolling her eyes, her smile growing wider and more sincere.

Once they were up the stairs, Ron flopped down further into his seat on the couch.

"Injured in the line of duty, my ass.." he murmured to himself. Hermione's gaze snapped to him.

"Ron, do shut up. I think Draco was really hurt."

Ron rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I'll bet... He probably put on a show, faked the limp, conjured up the bruises and the hair just so he could get Harry alone. I mean, honestly, what kind of beating would end up with the victim getting pink hair!"

"Ron," Hermione sighed. She started to gather the books she had left on the sofa. "Okay, number one, Harry wasn't even with us. If Draco wanted him alone, all he would have had to do was walk in and go upstairs to Harry's room." Ron looked like he was going to say something, but Hermione stopped him with a wave of her hand, "And number two, Draco dyed his hair like that last night, so the beating had nothing to do with his hair color." At his shocked expression, she simply smiled and walked out the portrait hole leaving Ron wide-eyed and sputtering on the couch.

Harry practically had to carry Draco up the rest of the stairs leading to his room. He cursed when he looked down and saw that Draco had passed out. He chastised himself for taking the room on the top floor. He should have listened to Dumbledore and Draco when they told him that he might want a room that was a little closer to the ground while they were staying there. He wanted the view. He wanted to have beautiful things around him during his and Draco's vacation.

"If you hadn't have answered that call-in yesterday, none of this would have happened." he said to Draco's prone form. Draco had had to leave him early in the morning and he had not stayed with him that night because the raid was so far away. They had spent last night alone.

He deposited the body on the bed and went to the bathroom for some water. He came back in and leant over Draco's body, carefully removing the blonde's clothing, trying to find anymore injuries. He found gashes on his chest and legs, oozing blood. After cleaning them up, he did a quick healing spell. Then he took a look at Draco's left arm, he tried to move it as little as possible but he had to in order to examine it and he saw Draco flinch in his sleep. He felt and found where the fracture was and pointed his wand right at it to heal the bone.

After he was finished he put his wand on the night stand and undressed himself. He climbed into the bed next to Draco, careful not to touch him. He eased next to him and propped himself up on his elbow. With his free hand he pushed a stray strand of Draco's hair away from his eyes, letting the tips of his fingers graze the skin lightly as he did. Draco seemed to stir for a moment, his eyes fluttered open and began to focus on his surroundings.

"Hey sexy." His voice was harsh, still trying to push out the pain he still felt in his muscles.

"Shhh, you should stay still for a while. But I have to ask you, what kind of spell would a Death Eater throw to turn your hair that color?" Harry's voice was quiet and teasing as he ruffled his fingers in his lover's hair.

Draco, wincing, sat up next to Harry, leaning his back against the head board. He looked over and had the decency to look meek as he gazed out from under his lashes at Harry, a trick he knew would work on him.

"Sweety..."

"Oh, Merlin, why do I not like the sound of this already?"

"Honey..."

"Draco, stop..." this was only said with very little anger. Harry actually enjoyed it when Draco was affectionate.

"Darling..."

"Draco, just say it or I'll spank you!" Harry threatened lightly.

Draco's eyes brightened in a way that made him want to go on if only to receive said "punishment" from Harry.

"Angel pudding... muffin... light of my life..." He couldn't contain his smile anymore.

"Alright, that's it." Harry thrust forward and grappled Draco onto the bed underneath him, holding his shoulders to the bed and effectively pinning the boys body with his own. "Okay, let me change that, how about, if you don't tell me, I WON'T spank you, and then I'll be forced to leave you alone, with Hermione, Ron and Snape all week while I go to London and Christmas shop. How does that sound?"

Draco seemed to think on it for a moment before answering.

"Well... since you put it that way. Alright, I'll tell you..." he paused, shifting slightly, looking as if he had changed his mind so soon after making it. "What if I were to say to you that the raid had nothing to do with my hair? That I dyed it like this last night on, let's call it, a fit of insanity, because I felt like a change. What would you say then? Will you spank me?" his voice got softer and softer as his speech went on, almost as if he were ashamed to admit it.

All Harry could do was stare. His hand raised ever so slightly to touch the once platinum locks, running them through gently. A smile touched the corners of his mouth. In leu of an answer to Draco, he bent his head down and touched his lips to his, and felt Draco's arms, which he had let go, come around to pull him closer.

Quite suddenly Harry flipped them both over, dragging Draco on top of him while he settled under, all the while, never breaking the kiss. He lifted his hand silently, and with sudden force, landed such a slap that the sound resonated off the walls and down the staircase, closely followed by a scream that startled the inhabitants of the common room downstairs.

"YEEEEOOOOWWWW! Harry, what the bloody hell was that for!"

"I told you I'd spank you." Harry smirked.

"Well, you didn't have to be so hard." he winced as Harry brought up a hand to caress the reddening skin.

"You know you liked it." Another smirk.

"Shut up and fuck me, you silly man, or I might just go down and let the Weasel do it."

"Oh, you're going to get it for that." He flipped them over again, once again pinning Draco to the bed under him. "You'd better put up a silence charm. I have a feeling one or both of us is going to be screaming in a few minutes."

"Promise?" It was Draco's turn to smirk.

Ron was pacing back and forth in the common room just down the stairs.

"I really wish they would put up the silencing charms BEFORE they start doing... that. Honestly, I don't want to know what they do up there and I certainly don't want to hear it."

Hermione was about to retort when the door sung open at that moment and a giant black billowy figure emerged from the corridor. Snape swished in, robes flowing behind him and stood before the, arms crossed. His voice was low and leveled.

"Where is Mr. Potter?"

"Oh, he's in the back spanking a chicken." Ron said with an heir of disgust as he plopped down in the armchair by the fire, obviously not happy with the arrival of the Professor.

"Ron!" Hermione's eyes widened comically as her face flushed with embarrassment. She turned to the Professor, "Harry took Draco up to their room Professor. It seems that there was a raid last night and Draco was injured. Was there something that you wanted?" She tried not to look too anxious while awaiting his answer. His face dropped for a moment and then its usual neutral setting.

"Very well Miss Granger, if you will accompany to the dungeons." He didn't wait for an answer as he turned on his heel and walked back the way he came, out into the hall way. Hermione shot a glance at Ron who frowned and then glanced away into the fire.

Ron waited a few moments, then, sighing to himself, he grabbed a bottle out from under the sofa he was sitting on and headed out of the portrait hole to the Room of Requirement.

Hermione trotted to keep up with Professor Snape. Making their way down the hall, they ran into Fred and George in mid discussion.

"You grabbed her what!" George was looking shocked while Fred had a smug look on his face. They looked up when they saw Hermione and Snape in front of them. Trying to change the subject so as not to become embarrassed in front of Snape, they turned to Hermione. "Oh hey Herm, Gred was just telling me how he wants to get his labret pierced."

"You want to pierce what?"

"Labret, Hermione. Having trouble hearing?" George was now looking smug. "You know, it's that little spot..."

"I know where it is! But you can't do that."

"Why not Hermione. 'One will not be punished or reprimanded for the decoration of one's body.' At least, that what it says in the latest version of Hogwarts: A History." Fred and George hid smiles behind their hands as a look of shock and embarrassment crossed Hermione's face. Looking at Professor Snape and seeing his stoney expression, they excused themselves and continued on down the hallway.

They were just about to start up their previous conversation again when they came across the door to the room of requirement. Curious as they were, they cracked the door only to find Ron sitting at a long table wearing a blue feather boa, drinking from a bottle by his side. They stepped in and scared him by tapping him on the shoulder.

"Gaaaaa! What the... Oh, it's you two." he said, slightly slurred.

"What are you doing here?" George said taking in Ron's drunk expression.

"I'm here to drown my sorrows, and you?"

"Well, we were about to put a skin tainting potion in the pumpkin juice supply. Would you like to join?"

Snape led Hermione down into the dungeons, into his classroom, and then on through to his private rooms. When they arrived he shut and locked the door behind them. Hermione jumped a little when the lock clicked. Snape took this in and smirked.

"You needn't be frightened Miss Granger. I'm not going to bite you...that is, unless you want me to." He leaned back against the door and crossed his arms.

Hermione eased and gave a smirk of her own.

"Oh, I do so love it that when you refer to me as Miss Granger, even though you should know as well as I that that is not who I am anymore." She stepped forward toward him as he pushed away from the wall and did the same. "But I love the sound of your voice when you're being commanding."

"Are you tired, Miss Granger?" he asked in an equal tone. They met each other in the middle of the room.

"No, sir. Why?" Snape snatched Hermione off her feet and brought her to him in searing kiss. She returned the kiss with just as much fervor.

"Because you've been running through my mind all day." She chuckled at that as he trailed kisses all the way down her jaw to her neck, along her collar bone. She wrapped her arms around his head, holding him closer.

"How long do you think we can keep this up?" he asked between kisses.

She let her eyes fall shut at the feel of his lips on her skin, and smiled to herself. "Not long, by the looks of it."

Draco and Harry made their way out of the common room together. They had come down the stairs to find that they had been abandoned by Ron and Hermione. After much debate, and Harry telling Draco to put a cap on over his pink hair, they decided to go in search of them. Actually, Harry just wanted Draco to apologize to Hermione.

They headed toward the kitchens to find Ron when they ran into Dobby, three hats on his head and mismatched socks on his feet. He was looking down, muttering something to himself when he literally ran into Draco. Dobby looked up to apologize, but when he looked at Draco, his eyes changed to an interesting shade of red and a giant smile crossed his face.

"_Shall Dobby compare thee to a Summer's day/ Thou art more lovely and more temperate./ Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May/ And summer's lease hath all too short a date.._."

Draco and Harry looked at each other in confusion and tried to back away, but Dobby followed.

"_Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines/ And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; / And every fair from fair sometime declines/ By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd..._"

Harry grabbed Draco's robed and they started running down the hall, Dobby close behind them, yelling more poetry as they rounded the corners of the hallway looking for escape.

"_But thy eternal summer shall not fade / Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st; / Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade/ When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:_"

A door appeared in front of them and Harry recognized it as the Room of Requirement. Without hesitation, he threw open the door and hurried in, dragging Draco with him and slammed the door. They could still hear Dobby outside.

"_So long as men can breathe or eyes can see/ So long lives this, and this gives life to thee..._"

Ron, Fred, and George looked up. Ron immediately took off the boa and through it under the table and preceded to act like nothing had happened.

"What's going on?" Fred asked.

"I don't know. We were just walking down the hall and we ran into Dobby. As soon as Dobby took one look at Draco, he started quoting Shakespeare. And his eyes changed color. They were red."

"Must be my dashing good looks." Draco said smuggly. Harry reached up, took the cap off of Draco and then smacked him over the head with it.

"Shut up, Gilligan, this is serious."

"Who's Gilligan?" Draco was generally confused at this, having never watched muggle TV.

Fred and George stood Ron up. Swaying slightly, he could soon stand on his own and they headed for the door again. Fred spoke.

"I'll bet Snape would know. We saw him and Hermione going to the dungeons. Let's go."

They opened the door. As soon as they did, Dobby latched himself onto Draco's robes and started again.

"_But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks/ It is the east, and Draco is the sun/ Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon/ Who is already sick and pale with grief..._"

He never got to finish as Harry put him in Petrificus Totalis. They left him in the middle of that hallway, saying that they would deal with him when they found out what was going on. And with that, they headed to the dungeons.

When they opened the door to Snape's inner chambers, every one of them stopped dead in their tracks. In the middle of the room, Snape and Hermione were both sitting in a giant tub of what looked to be whipped cream! And they were snogging!

"What the bloody hell is going on!" Draco screamed. Hermione and Snape jumped back, having not heard the intruders come in.

"Oh, ummmm..." Hermione wracked her brain to try and find a plausible explanation. Snape just sank further down into the tub and smirked at the looks on his former students faces. Then he remembered why all these people might suddenly be barging into his rooms.

"So, which one of you had the misfortune of attracting the little house elf's affections?"

If it was possible, their mouths dropped even further. Harry was the first to stammer out words.

"It was you? You did that to Dobby and made him spout out poetry to Draco?" He started to get angry, he was approaching the giant tub, when Hermione's voice stopped him.

"Leave him alone, he's my husband."

"What!"

"You mess with him, you mess with me... do you want to mess with me?" With the look that she was giving him, he knew the answer was no.

"But,... what about Dobby..."

Snape smirked once more. "Mr. Potter, you will find that there is a vial sitting on my desk, if you administer the serum to Dobby, he will return to normal. Well, at least as normal as he can be. Now if you will be so kind as to leave my chambers immediately. Although it is lovely to have you all here while we are in a state of undress..." he let the sarcasm linger in the air as they began to back out of the door. Fred and George still couldn't keep take their eyes away from the scene in front of them.

After the door had closed, Hermione and Snape burst with laughter. Hermione made a quick spell and the whipped cream tub was gone and they were in normal clothing again.

"Well, that was one way of doing it. Warn me the next time you have an evil scheme to never listen to you again." She chuckled again.

"Well, you did say I could do it however I wanted, and look, mission accomplished, they know about us and we gave them something to "squick" over as you say." They both laughed at that, each wondering when it would be safe to see her friends again without fear of losing all sanity in public and laughing themselves all the way to St. Mungo's. Snape came up behind Hermione and put his arms around her.

"Say, is that dress felt?" he asked, mischief in his voice.

"No."

"Would you like it to be?" he grinned, turning her around.

"Severus... that was horrible. Where are you learning all of these bad lines?"

"Muggle television, of course."


End file.
